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The Audacity of Breaking Free!

“Many people tend to think that returning to a ‘normal life’ after fighting a war is a quick and painless process. But how much do ordinary people out there understand about what you have experienced and the kind of support you now need? In reality, coming home can be quite difficult for you long after the war.” The doctor said, “Beyond the homecoming welcomes by families and friends, you endure a quiet struggle in private.”

      As if addressing Noku more than me, the doctor said, “Coming home from the war begins and ends with a homecoming. But the war does not end when the returning war veteran arrives home. For these men and women, it is just the beginning of a long road home. It’s the journey to come that is the challenge. Homecoming and the arrival home is the easy part, but what follows is a complicated transition to civilian life long after the war.

      “He has to cope with those who are so blissfully ignorant of the war and all its obscenities of violence. He may resent them, because he may not understand that he is the one who has changed and must react accordingly. Any armed conflict, because of landmines, bombs air raids, ambushes, surprise attacks, name them, have kept him in a perpetual state of vigilance with explosive moments of adrenalin and despair.

      “In order to really understand what it takes to come home, you have to return to the war zone where you were. Remember, you were exposed to all sorts of violence associated with war. The war you fought was a particularly brutal conflict. It was a guerrilla war of hidden explosives, and ambush attacks. It was a war where there were no frontlines and no safety zones. You inevitably dived into the pool of your own emotions. Unfortunately it becomes difficult to reach the surface again. You just sink further into the darkness.

      “The memories of the dead you saw throughout the war, the daily injuries you endured, amongst many other things, will remain as constant reminders of the terrifying reality of life for you. It has everything to do with being in an extremely stressful situation where your life and the lives of your comrades were on the line day in and day out, seven days a week, along with seeing those comrades and civilians alike killed or severely wounded. You inevitably get a wounded soul and lacerated emotions.

      “But it’s not only the memories of death and devastating injuries of war that is likely to destroy your life and that of many other veterans; the mental impact these experiences have can be catastrophic too. Anyone involved in combat will suffer mental distress after leaving the war zone. It’s inevitable. You will still get depressed sometimes when you remember those dead bodies you saw. In my opinion, the memories of these horrible incidents are deep-rooted and most probably you will never forget them.

      “The transitional shock alone can be hard to process for those that were at war for years. Under constant threat, your comrades became family. Indeed, not to mention the trauma from combat combined with the stresses of long family separations that often make homecoming and reintegration into civilian life the most unexpectedly difficult part of life for war veterans.

      “It’s not easy to return from war where you were surrounded by the obscenities of violence and where you now must switch into civilian life without a struggle. I don’t mean to scare you, but I want you to know that you will inevitably find things going wrong on and off for quite some time. How many years did you spend in the war?”

      “Why? Nearly three years? Those years were some of the hardest times of my young life, but also some of the proudest. Unlike so many others, I was lucky to walk away without any physical injuries. God chose to spare my life and I am very thankful. It angers me when I hear people talking bad about this great country and the war veterans. How dare they stay in their comfort zones and be critical of the very people who sacrificed their all for the independence of this nation, for their liberties and their freedoms they are so fond of abusing? Freedom isn’t free and should not be taken lightly.”

      The doctor said, “Usually, the longer someone has been fighting a war, the more difficult it will be to adjust to being at home. It can be confusing to come home to people and things that have changed whilst you were gone. Even your family members and friends will need time to adjust to you being back home.”

      My experience with the war was mentally troublesome for me. I had had my fair share of the second Chimurenga and I had lost comrades and friends. I had lost ordinary villagers I had become so attached to during the war. Over the years, we had lived amongst villagers and we had literally become part of their extended families. Many times they buried our dead and we grieved together over our sad losses in the fighting. The villagers had no better fate; they were often caught in the crossfire or assaulted for lending support to the comrades and the war.

      In private, my day to day life did not seem to mean anything anymore. I withdrew and pulled back from friends and family. The only people I wanted to or could talk to were people who had undergone similar experiences. Because to them I would not need to explain just how much one can possibly be scared. It would not be necessary to describe to them how a coming motor bomb or a propelled rocket grenade is unsettling or to try to convey how sickening it gets sleeping under wet blankets. They would know it already. I wanted to talk, but couldn’t.

      I went back to school. It was a good idea in the eyes of many, but in actual fact I was shutting myself off. I found it very hard to talk to my long-time girlfriend, Sarah, who I had met before going to war, because when in conversation about my time at war she had little or no points of reference. Sarah soon realised that we could not plan long-term for the future. It was not possible to discuss any plans with me.

      It was like I was frozen in time and could not conceive of the day after tomorrow. There was resignation and a lack of intimacy. Our relationship broke down eventually. Now, years later, I still suffered from nightmares and anger, avoiding crowds and loud noises. I was at times noticeably more alert. Those many terrible things that I saw still kept me up many nights. I still dreamt of being in those places almost every night. I at times drank myself to sleep and still held the world at a distance.

          Noku had been listening attentively. “So what can he do to make the transition easier?” 

      The doctor said, “To be honest, there is no medication that can be given to any veteran of war to address the kind of problems we are discussing here.

      The doctor explained that the long-term effect of combat and warfront fatigue didn’t seem to have a cure; they came and went, causing terrible nightmares and often flared during certain situations in one’s ordinary life for decades. The treatment of drugs and therapies often did not work well at all with many persons.

      He then counselled, “What you need is to give yourself time to adjust. Don’t have expectations of yourself that are too high. It will take time to get back in the swing of things, and that’s okay. Let your family and friends know that you need time. Also, make them aware of your preferences about talking about being in the war. If you don’t want them asking you questions, tell them you would rather not talk about it. If you need someone to talk to, let them know you need their support.”

      Turning to Noku, the doctor said, “You need not worry yourself much. The majority of war veterans often eventually reconnect successfully with their families and home communities. It is natural that he could be extremely moody and combative for several years and have recurring bad dreams, but with the right support he should be able to overcome the experiences.

      “However, those who face serious challenges require more support to avoid the unthinkable. Some end up committing suicide. It won’t be surprising that more war veterans would commit suicide long after the war than during the actual conflict. Many just become broken men and women.

      “You being a family member, let him know that he has your support. He should know that no matter how bad it gets, you will be there for him every step of the way. Don’t ask too many questions, in case he doesn’t wish to talk about it, but let him know that you are there if he needs you.

      “Be patient with him, and don’t expect him to be the same person as when he left. His experiences have changed him or made him more fragile than anyone can realise. It may help for you to know that he is not the only one with such problems. Many more veterans are coming here every day seeking help for mental health issues. The effects they suffer from range from nightmares or flashbacks to huge personality changes with post-traumatic stress disorder.” The doctor sought to assure Noku and me.

      “After years of fighting a war, many find it impossible to settle back into civilian life. The intensity and duration of combat tend to produce psychological problems in men and women of war around the world. Who can blame you when you have lived with the fear of being killed every day, and you are finding it hard to go home and channel the aggression you need in combat elsewhere?

      “A war means living with the threat of violence and that becomes second nature to many veterans, and they struggle to turn off that mind-set back at home. A major symptom of the problem is anger, and linking this with an army background means aggression is very likely as all soldiers are trained to be extremely aggressive. Soldiers are trained to react in particular ways in dangerous situations, and after the war the psychological sense of threat doesn't go away just because the war isn’t physically there anymore.

      “It would help more if people out there would do their best to understand if you are having problems with them, and try to lower the conflict level. People really need to have patience and understanding with war veterans. What the veterans need is to be supported and loved by those close to them. On your part, you are best advised to be positively realistic about the events you experienced and to accept that someone had to go through those experiences and you did, because of your sense of duty and responsibility to your country and to your people. You will overcome.

      “That is all I can advise for today. But before you go, if you continue to have a lot of trouble coping with the stress of being home, or if you, Noku, sees signs of extreme stress in him, insist on him coming back for more professional help. You can go,” concluded the doctor.

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